Monday, December 16, 2013

Grab a Snorkel

I haven't been around here much lately.  I even recently thought about deleting this little space all together.  Not really sure what I'm doing with it, if anything.  But today I just wanted to stop a minute and write some raw feelings.. because that's about all I've got right now.  It was a rough few weeks leading up to deployment.  The anxiety and anticipation was too much for me this time, it was hard.  The weight of the kids' sadness I felt squarely on my shoulders.  We had good times too.  Memories to get us through this time without a very important person in our little family.  I should share those.  

Relief came when he left.  That sounds awful.  But I could breath again.  I could focus on doing this.. getting through the day and the next and the next.  I dried tears from my precious girl.  I listened over and over as my baby said he wanted Daddy.  And I've tried to figure out what exactly my oldest needs as I don't fully recognize him right now.  I've answered with a smile that "We are doing fine and getting into a routine." I've stayed up way too late night after night trying to get done what I can't seem to ever catch up on.  I've had sick kids wake up right when I was going to bed, of course.  I've had fun (yes!) with amazing friends.. 

It has been 2 weeks.

I think the time of year is making it harder.. I honestly have a hard time enjoying this time of year anyway so this just doesn't help!  I recently said "I'm barely keeping my head above water."  then I laughed and said "Wait no.. I'm not even above.. I'm using a snorkel!"  That silly little comment has floated through my head many times.. I guess I like examples that I can picture!  And me with a snorkel is pretty funny.  But.. It means I'm doing it!!!  And that makes me want to keep going.

"I am holding on to you.  I am holding on to you. In the middle of the storm, I am holding on.  I am.

This is my resurrection song.  This is my hallelujah call.  This is why it's to You I run."

These are lyrics from a new song by David Crowder called "I Am".    … My storm.  I am holding on to the only "snorkel" that will get me through. (Did i just compare God to a snorkel??!)  I guess I did.  My anthem will ring out and I will try to keep my head above water.. or be happy to stay underneath and accept grace for all the things I can't do alone.

An equally awesome song is "Overcomer" by Mandisa.  The kids chose this song as their deployment song.  Talk about one to bust out loud!!!  And man, Addie does on her iPod with headphones on.. it's awesome! "You're an overcomer… stayin to fight to the final round.  You're not goin under.. cuz God is holding you right now. You might be down for a moment feeling like it's hopeless.. but that's when He reminds you.. You're an overcomer!"  It was so cute, we picked up a friend who's husband just left to take her out for ice cream.. and Garrett cued up this song for her!

So yeah, it's been 2 weeks of ups and downs.. but I Am saying now that we are Overcomers!!!

 Wanna hear these songs??


  1. I'm sure you are doing far better than you give yourself credit for. And, I know you know this, but remember you're not along and never should feel like that. There are women all over the entire world who understand and are praying for you. You're awesome!

  2. Don't stop blogging. Keep sharing! xo

  3. I really enjoy reading your blog! I can really relate to this post and share in your feelings. Keep it coming sister!!